I Can't Live With This One
by ermintrude421
Summary: Filler for Saved By The Bells


I'm a fan since the original run, and have been reading the fanfic for some time. Now I guess I'm ready to post a bit of my own stuff. I've done fanfic before, (in other fandoms) long ago and far away. This is just my middle-aged childhood coming to the fore. And I still love Lee and Amanda.

DISCLAIMER Scarecrow & Mrs. King is copyrighted to Warner Brothers and Shoot The Moon Production Company. The original portions of this story, however, are copyrighted to the author. This story is for entertainment purposes only and cannot be redistributed without the permission of the author. If you want to put it on your site, please email me. Situations and some dialogue have been used from the episode Saved By the Bells, teleplay by Joel Steiger and Stu Kriesman & Chris Cluess, story by Dean Hargrove & Joel Steiger. No infringement of copyright is intended.

Just a short look into Lee's head as he makes his decision to commit treason for Amanda. Rated PG for mild language.

I Can't Live With This One—filler for Saved by the Bells by Ermintrude

Lee, Billy and Dirk were in an Agency conference room. Dirk had just informed them that the Oversight Committee had turned down the offer to trade Amanda for Rostov.

Dirk looked a bit uncomfortable. "I'm late for something or other." Dirk gathered his briefcase and moved toward the door. As he was leaving he addressed Scarecrow. He didn't turn to face Lee or Billy. "I'm sorry Stetson." He left the room.

Billy waited a moment, and then spoke in even measured tones. "Lee, we're not supposed to take this personally. It's our objectivity that makes us effective."

Lee was tense, "Amanda is dying in my place. That's as personal as it gets."

Billy looked at his best agent. "If it were another agent would you feel the same way?"

Lee turned and gave Billy a measured look. "I don't know."

"Is there something between you and Amanda?"

"Ah" Lee's reply was dismissive.

"Well, why was she at your apartment?"

Lee looked incredulously at Billy for even thinking such a ridiculous thing. "She was feeding my fish."

"This one isn't easy, give it some time."

"I can't live with this one, Billy." Lee said it matter-of-factly and calmly, but inside he was desperate. He showed Billy his professional mask, and Billy nodded and left.

She's dying in my place; it doesn't get more personal than that. Oh God, it's Eric all over again. Or Dorothy. Maybe both of them all rolled up in one package. Oh God. I live a charmed life—it's everyone else around me that dies.

Amanda isn't even an agent; she's an accident—a civilian—a mom with two kids. She has a family, just like Eric. I can't ruin Philip and Jamie's lives like I ruined Beth's. Bethy is 6—almost 7 now. I wonder how much she'll remember of her daddy when she grows up. I have pictures, but I don't have a lot of memories of my folks. Grandma helped me remember, but after she died the colonel didn't want to talk about mom and dad. I don't even think he liked dad very much.

All I wanted was for Amanda to feed my fish. She's reliable that way. It's not like she has much of a life, she can take off while the boys are in school—it was perfect. Except they got her. How could they think she was me? She doesn't have a chance with those guys. They're pros; they'll kill her as soon as they discover she isn't me. She isn't anyone. Well—not anyone to them.

She's gonna die in my place. I can't let it happen again. I just can't. Will I have to hold her dead body? Will I have to ID her at some morgue? Will we even find her body? He paced and ran his hand through his hair.

We have Rostov and they'll trade—but Dirk won't authorize it. Well, screw Dirk. I can't let Amanda die like that. I can't live with myself knowing another person died in my place. Again. I'll have to go underground afterward—maybe I can get work as a mercenary. There's good money there—not much of a life—but what kind of a life do I deserve if I just sit back and let a suburban housewife die in my place because it's more strategically valuable that way?

Regrettable—what a load of crap. I wish it was Dirk the Russians had. That I could live with. Real easy. Paper pusher never was out in the field—hell, Amanda has more field experience than Dirk does. She's a civilian. I'm supposed to take care of her—make sure she doesn't get hurt. Boy, did I blow that one.

I don't care how I end up. I'll get Rostov and trade him for Amanda. I can't live with it otherwise.


End file.
